There are lots of things I thought about when I imagined being a mum. I pictured these perfect scenarios cuddling my baby and going places with him but there are many things that I didn’t know I would feel or do for him:
- How much I would love him – it’s an enormous amount. It didn’t hit me instantly when he was born. Of course I loved him, from the moment we knew I was pregnant, but eventually this massive, overwhelming feeling of love hit me. Occasionally it brings me to tears and I find myself crying because I love him too much.
- How protective I would be towards him – I will literally hurt people if they ever harm him – Mother lioness here!
- How much I would actually want to squish/bite him.
- How often I would smell him or his things – I fill my lungs with the scent from his head, especially after a bath with Johnsons’ Baby Bath. I smell his clothes and his mittens; they remind me of him when he’s in bed or somewhere else. I also often find myself lifting him up to smell his bum to check his nappy and sometimes sniff his clothes to see if they smell like sick.
- That I would suck the snot out of his nose with some weird contraption – A weird device that I put to his nostrils and suck and listen as the snot drains from his nose. I also pull out bogeys without being too disgusted.
- That I would put my hand out to catch his sick – instead of dodging baby sick, as I would have done pre baby, I now try to catch it. It’s better than it going everywhere else.
- How much I would actually love my c-section scar – it’s my mummy mark and reminds me of his journey into this world. Plus I cannot begin to imagine how he ever fit through that space.
- How many photos I would take of him: sleeping, eating, smiling, bouncing, doing nothing at all even remotely interesting…but I can’t delete any of them.
- How amazing cuddling your sleeping baby is – yeah I know, I’m making a rod for my own back, he should be put down to sleep…blah blah blah…but one day he won’t want to cuddle me to sleep and I will never be able to get those days back. I’m happy to ‘have to’ cuddle him in my arms when he naps in the day. If he’s still doing this when he reaches Secondary school I may admit it was a mistake but for now it’s the best thing in the world.
- Just how much my heart would melt every time I watch my husband playing with him and when he makes him laugh, seriously my womb aches!
- That despite saying to the midwife, during labour, that she should never have children (she already had two and I asked her why she did it twice!) I can’t wait to have another!